December 26th, 2008

within a general framework of being really happy lately, i have also been completely miserable.

i would elaborate but i don’t expect anyone to understand, even if they think they do. i can’t sleep - or i can’t find sleep peacefully. my dreams fucking haunt me and more often than not i find myself hiding my face when people approach to pretend that there aren’t any tears rolling down my cheeks.

this place just isn’t home anymore. i would love to go back to berlin on the ninth (as was originally planned) but my parents won’t agree to that after everything that went down last month and as i pretty much have no where to stay (except jeff’s, and he may or may not have an apartment once he returns). the plan, at the moment, is to return to germany in june and stay through august, spending one last beautiful summer there before heading to school and being miserable once more.

awesome.