July 15th, 2009
Happy list:Summer is here, I don’t feel so close to a frozen deathSaw massive dinosaur replica on the television!Live in country where female genital mutilation is not customary Remember hair growsDid washing and have lots of clean underwearMy sister has a telephone I can call her onSamuel Beckett books and the Chinchilla book arrived from AmazonSugar-free Red Bull two for €4 at supermarket Going to read and write in the garden tomorrowSlavoj Zizek still not dead [!]Moody and morose with no good reason. All of my frustrations are over old problems really, or problems that I know the solution to. That contributes to the frustration. I know how to fix things but I haven’t. I’ve allowed myself to become upset through listening to everyone else’s ambitions and the knowledge that I don’t really have any. I want to keep writing stories, but I don’t want to be a great published author living in a Scandinavian castle, and I want to travel around the world, but I don’t want to discover anything more than small excitements. Like snake skins and rocks shaped like hearts. This isn’t bad, and that’s what I’m coming around to accepting. It’s okay to just want to read books and make friends for a while. Lately I have been very sarcastic and even bitter, more so than before. I’m just tired and lazy like everyone else and this is embarrassing but it is okay. (image by Miranda July)

Happy list:
Summer is here, I don’t feel so close to a frozen death
Saw massive dinosaur replica on the television!
Live in country where female genital mutilation is not customary 
Remember hair grows
Did washing and have lots of clean underwear
My sister has a telephone I can call her on
Samuel Beckett books and the Chinchilla book arrived from Amazon
Sugar-free Red Bull two for €4 at supermarket 
Going to read and write in the garden tomorrow
Slavoj Zizek still not dead [!]

Moody and morose with no good reason. All of my frustrations are over old problems really, or problems that I know the solution to. That contributes to the frustration. I know how to fix things but I haven’t.

I’ve allowed myself to become upset through listening to everyone else’s ambitions and the knowledge that I don’t really have any. I want to keep writing stories, but I don’t want to be a great published author living in a Scandinavian castle, and I want to travel around the world, but I don’t want to discover anything more than small excitements. Like snake skins and rocks shaped like hearts. This isn’t bad, and that’s what I’m coming around to accepting. It’s okay to just want to read books and make friends for a while.

Lately I have been very sarcastic and even bitter, more so than before. I’m just tired and lazy like everyone else and this is embarrassing but it is okay.

(image by Miranda July)