December 2008
102 posts
discussions i should have learned to stop trying...
“dad, i need another bookcase.”
HAHAHHA NEW FOUND GLORY JUST MADE ME CRY
fuck me
hammers and strings - jack’s mannequin
...
konstantine - something corporate
it never, ever...
i'm making mixtapes, like, with cassettes.
that’s really all.
within a general framework of being really happy lately, i have also been completely miserable.
i would elaborate but i don’t expect anyone to understand, even if they think they do. i can’t sleep - or i can’t find sleep peacefully. my dreams fucking haunt me and more often than not i find myself hiding my face when people approach to pretend that there aren’t any tears...
me: i'm going to throw up
noah: oh great
me: no, not from being ill, just from being sick with myself
noah hugs me
me: being a teenager is not glamorous
noah: no, it's not, but don't worry. it gets better
i send the strangest text messages
me: how's your penis?
me: dad, do we have anything to spike the eggnog with? dad: ask your mother me: mom? mom: i don’t think so. you’re too young to need to spike the eggnog me (after wandering into the shed, where the bar is located): what are you talking about, there’s so much rum out here
i just realized that this is the first year since i was twelve that i haven’t gone onto my dad’s laptop and opened the list of presents that we will be receiving. this groundbreaking event has occurred because i purchased all my gifts and charged them to my parents credit card before handing them over to be wrapped by margz and emmz. it works better this way.
what the fuck
last night i sent a litany of (admittedly drunken) text messages to a guy i dated at age fifteen. he just replied (finally) and wanted to know why i tried to talk to him for the first time in ages.
so i told him the truth. i had just watched the wackness and it made me think of him. bet he won’t be replying any time in the near future.
it's okay, though
me: watching every harry potter movie was a really good idea
noah: yes enjoyable
me: no, not enjoyable. good.
noah: I'll skip the discussion of if subjective good and enjoying are separate concepts, and just say, yeah sorry, good
me: i don't do subjectivism. i've dealt with such things before and wholeheartedly concluded that according to everyone, i'm a 'bad' person
noah: i have no subjective judgement of you, probably because my interactions with you have been so surreal
me: i'm kind of a shit person
why do the wizards in harry potter celebrate...
this is totally screwing with my head
to-do
- develop a taste for and become addicted to caffeine - attend saturday’s party? on drugs obvs - go to new york to track down my heart and watch it deflate - commence & complete the wrapping of presents - call nyu and see if they can transfer me into gallatin before i step-foot on campus (as in, how was i supposed to know before entering my gap year that i wouldn’t want to...
so i’m sitting here (with harry potter on) watching my little sister solve a rubik’s cube over and over again. and i kind of feel like a failure because i could never, ever do that. but i simultaneously feel so superior to her because i could never do that. it’s a difficult position.
me: i have on a thermal that i took from someone
noah: that works
me: if you're into ugly
noah: don't give me that, i've seen you naked
SO I am boycotting my own birthday party to sit and play in the cemetery snow and moonshine. Will anyone notice? Don’t tell!
So take this how you want, but know I mean it I...
“Trying to demonstrate just how much safer Baghdad is these days, Iraqi officials...”
– Seattle Times
I’m sorry, what?
Jeremy: This will pass
Jeremy: You have friends
Jeremy: You have money
Jeremy: You have your mom
Jeremy: You have Sarah
Jeremy: You have me
Jeremy: You have so much
Jeremy: Don't be so fucking negative all the time
Jeremy: Winter sucks, I of all people know that
Jeremy: But you know what
Jeremy: In like four months, it will be spring
Jeremy: And you'll realize how great everything is
My head is spinning and the snow is falling and in the past couple of hours I have cooked so much that there won’t be the need to bake anything for ages and don’t you just wish that everyone would say what is on their mind.
I know how I feel in general: It’s rather warm here My drink tastes funny Like not doing my laundry Sad because this music reminds me of someone Like doing...
“remember when dancing just meant jumping up and down?”
– sarah
seriously, stop snowing.
jesuismilena:
It’s been snowing for three days, and I want to go out so I can eat something other than yogurt.
and the snow looks like dippin dots, which oddly enough sound appetizing
she's so oblivious
sarah: can i open these oreos?
dad: uh, sarah, we're saving those in case the power goes out again
sarah: oh, okay
me: (giggling from the living room)
hier ist kein warum
I really love nights when my will to live just disappears.
It is as though I’m about to come to the end of something. I felt that there would be no end and now I feel that one is coming, this could be perceived positively and perhaps it should be. [the suicidal sweetheart shows a marked return to happiness. cut to: lace floating on lakes in morning light]
I said that I would not kill...
brent: craigslist makes me lose faith in humanity
brent: and yet because it's free i still go to it
me: you're ridiculous
brent: i love all the euphemisms for drugs too
brent: snow, skiing, 420
brent: just say it!
brent: there's a whole section strictly for prostitutes. i don't think anyone will care if you say the word pot
brent: whenever i throw out or delete something, i need it later. always.
me: exactly - like my social security card!
